GREEN BAY, WI (WTAQ) – A Pulaski man is talking about his journey from heroin addiction to maintaining sobriety while holding down a career and a family.
27-year-old Ryan Beardsley says that he didn’t start drinking or using drugs until high school, while running with the “cool kids” and playing varsity football.
“Started out with drinking, then gradually progress to marijuana, to pills, all kinds of opiates, ecstasy,” Ryan says as he continues on into the college scene. “Went to a college party, and I had gotten hit by a drunk driver and I was prescribed some pain medication. I didn’t need it at all, but I obviously took it because I wanted the pills for the high.”
Those actions eventually opened the door into a room of addiction which would become Ryan’s entire world.
“I thought I’d reached the peak in my high,” says Ryan. “Then I tried heroin one time and I fell in love with it.”
Heroin put Ryan into a stratosphere he never knew existed.
“It was the ultimate high,” Ryan said. “I didn’t have to worry about feeling because it totally numbed me out from the world. I had no cares, no worries. I started out snorting it and then I quickly moved to the needle.”
It put Ryan on a path chasing that rush, only to have the tables turn on him. Eventually, he was seeking a bridge just to avoid withdrawal.
“If I had gotten high in the morning, it would allow me enough time to search for drugs throughout the day so I didn’t go through withdrawals at 1 or 2 o’clock in the afternoon,” Ryan explains. “I would get high at 1 or 2 p.m., and that would allow me to have enough time to steal or try and hustle up some money to get some more heroin so I would be able to sleep. If I didn’t, I would be up all night, cold sweating, shivering and throwing up.”
Ryan gave up everything, he sold his car to buy heroin, and he became homeless. He was stabbed several times, beaten up even more than he can remember along with other “bad things” all thanks to the drug.
“Overdosed six times, and was hit with Narcan each time, which saved my life,” said Ryan. “I’ve woken up in the back of ambulances. It was a rough, rough ride definitely.”
THE LAST STRAW
After the 6th time overdosing on heroin and needed Naloxone to bring him back to life, Ryan found himself in the Brown County Jail. It was a place, even then, he knew he didn’t want to be.
“I was facing multiple charges and that’s when my P.O. came up with drug court,” says Ryan. “Obviously I took that because I didn’t want to sit in jail. I still didn’t want to be in recovery, but I wanted to get out and that was the only thing I could do at the time.”
According to its website, the Brown County Drug Court Program is a court that is specifically designated and staffed to handle cases involving dependent offenders through an intensive, judicially-monitored program of drug and alcohol treatment, rehabilitation services, and strict community supervision.
Ryan managed to jump through every hoop and pass every drug test, and graduated in August 2015.
“I was actually quite scared because I didn’t have the accountability anymore, I didn’t have to take a drug test, I didn’t have to go to any classes, I didn’t have to go to meetings if I didn’t want to,” recalls Ryan of his graduation day. “I thought about getting high right away, as soon as I left the courtroom with my graduation plaque.”
He believes that as much physical and emotional pain as there is with trying to get clean, the mental aspect is the biggest obstacle.
“My thinking was so messed up for so long that I would believe my own lies, I would think stealing was okay,” Ryan says. “So I’m trying to teach myself by doing what’s suggested in recovery to become a better person.”
That includes his wife, who’s pregnant with twins, and two daughters who now have a father active in their lives.
“Before they didn’t want to spend any time with me, they didn’t know about the drugs but they knew daddy was messed up, mean and angry all the time,” says Ryan. “Now that I’ve been clean and have somewhat gained my freedom back, they run up to me, give me the hugs and the kisses, say I love you and let’s go do this and that. It hits me right in the heart.”
ADVICE ABOUT HEROIN ADDICTION
Ryan has learned a few bits of wisdom about the constant battle with addiction during this journey.
“You can’t stay clean unless you truly want it for yourself,” Ryan says. “Nobody can make you get clean, it’s totally up to the addict themselves.”
Despite what you may have heard, there is hope for anyone dealing with addiction. His one message to the media and the public is to recognize the gravity of heroin and opioid addiction, and work on supporting those who can solve the problem.
“There’s so many addicts out there struggling, that there’s not enough help out there with recovery, with government funding, there’s so much more that could be done but I feel like people aren’t thinking it’s as bad as it really is,” says Ryan. “The drugs are so powerful that they’re killing innocent people who deserve to live.”
Ryan adds that the availability of the people at DarJune Recovery, Support Services and Café are important in his continued recovery.
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